Don’t Say this to anyone’s Child:
Being a mother brings along with it a lot of comments from people about your baby, be it from your loved ones, or from strangers walking besides on the street.
I am sure most of the times we just laugh over a few comments, address a few other comments or a few comment makes you wonder why people have an opinion about everything.
When I had my first child, certain things that people used to comment used to disturb me. But this time around, when an unwanted comment comes my way, I simply smile and don’t react.
Here’s are four things one shouldn’t say about other people’s children:
1. Never comment about anyone child’s skin colour: One of my friend has two kids. She is tired of people comparing the skin colour of both her children. It’s not only disturbing for my friend to hear that, but even the children feel uncomfortable with such comments coming their way. I understand that people don’t say if the dark skin is bad, and no one is implying that her other child isn’t cute because he’s dark. But my point is, why pass such a comment in the first place? What is the need to do it?
I am pretty sure her children are too small to understand the concept of difference in their skin colours. But I am sure that if her children hers it over and over throughout the years, it might make develop a complex.
One shouldn’t focus on a child’s height, skin colour, hair color, eye colour, or any other physical appearance.
2. Never call a child lazy: Frankly, whenever I see people say this, like any other comment on this list, people say with a lot of affection. One of my niece was an active baby, always did everything on target, be it walking, crawling, running, turning. Meanwhile, my nephew loved to lie down all the time. He took a while to meet his milestones, and people would never miss a chance of calling him lazy.
Even if one says this in love, this is something that doesn’t send a good message.
Firstly, would you ever believe a child to be lazy? Each baby is different and have different pattern of development. Not walking as far as the other child isn’t an act of laziness. Trust me being lazy is not a trait that anyone would be really proud of. The cold may live to relax, but calling him/her lazy is just not a great thing to do.
3. Never call a baby chubby or fat: This may sound fine in the beginning. There is no denying from the fact that chubby babies are super adorable and cuddlesome. They look cute, I get it!! But, this chubby talk has to come to a stop.
When this child turns 3 or 4, the child will definitely notice that everyone is removing about the child being fat.
One should never tease children about their weight.
4. Never call someone’s child unfriendly or not very social: this is the most rude thing to say to anyone. It’s not great that we usually value extroverts, especially when it comes to kids.
Why is it that everyone, loves kids who would be an entertainer, and would be ready for a show on demand? Why is it that we air kids who get everyone with a smile and don’t hesitate in doing so? Why is it that the kids who always are first to strike a conversation are stars of any gathering?
However, kids who are a bit ‘shy’ would be looked at with eyes filled with Pity. These shy ones usually cling on to their parents. These shy ones may also insist on their parents to carry them. The only thing is that these kids don’t feel comfortable with strangers.
Kids definitely need social skills, and at a certain age, when they’re comfortable being social, then there could be something wrong.
But for most children, calling them unsocial or unfriendly is just not fair. These kids must be developing on target. The only thing different with them is that, they might be having stranger anxiety and a strong attachment to their parents.
These kids are just wary of new situations. When given a bit time and space, they usually warm up to the environment. Yes, these comments people say with affection and love. But over time this seems wrong massage to the child, since hearing such comments can create an internal dialogue that may not be healthy for the child.
Such comments can overlook the stages of development, and also overlooks what’s considered healthy and normal.
Most of all, these kind comments drive the kids’ parents crazy!! And anyways, how is a parent supposed to comment on these kind of comments???
So here is an important notice: if you see a chubby, antisocial, or a child who looks different or isn’t even crawling yet, here is a big request… HOLD YOUR TONGUE!!
Neither the parent or the child needs to hear anything.
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Preetjyot Kaur
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I second you on every point. We are no-one to judge any child. They are God’s gift and each child is unique. By naming them, we are not helping them in any manner. I remember when my daughter young and if she is not opening up then my friends used to say, are you shy? And I used to correct them that please don’t say it because that will make her think thew same about herself. She is just taking her own time.
That’s great to hear! It’s important to be mindful of the words we use and the impact they can have on a child’s self-esteem and confidence. Encouraging and supporting children in their own time and unique ways can help them develop a positive self-image and sense of self-worth.
Yes completely agree in our society people make that kind of negative remarks on physical appearance or other developmental milestones of kids that not only hurt parents but put a negative impact on child’s development. Hope things change for better in future.
Yes, it’s important for us as a society to be more mindful and positive when it comes to children’s development and appearance. It can have a lasting impact on their self-esteem and confidence.
Such a beautiful post. We as a society have become comfortable in peaking into other people’s lives and interfering in everything that isnt theirs. A manifestation of this attitude are the above statements.
Thanks for your kind words. It’s true that we often forget to respect other people’s boundaries and privacy, and it’s important to recognize the impact our words and actions can have on others.
Elders need to be sensible enough while commenting or talking to kids. I have seen rude people i play areas, who in return expect politeness from the kids.
Absolutely agree! It’s important for elders to be mindful of their language and behavior around children. Kids are always observing and learning, and it’s our responsibility to model positive behavior and treat them with respect and kindness. It’s not fair to expect politeness from children if we ourselves are not showing the same courtesy towards them.
These are such important pointers Preet! Naming a child basis his/her physique/character is something that should never be done. And commenting about skin colour is something that we need to make our kids understand too!
I completely agree with you. It’s important to teach children that physical appearance is not a basis for defining someone’s personality or character. In fact, comments about skin color or other physical attributes can be hurtful and lead to low self-esteem. We should encourage our kids to appreciate diversity and focus on individual traits such as kindness, intelligence, and creativity.
I agree every kid is different with different behavior and yes shouldn’t judge them or try comparing with other kid definitely it is going to impact on their mind… So we need to give some time and space … Well to go post definitely going to share with my sister too.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Every child is indeed unique and it’s important to avoid judging or comparing them with others. Giving them time and space to grow and develop at their own pace can have a positive impact on their self-esteem and confidence. I hope my post can provide some valuable insights to your sister as well.
Yes, a negative comment is met with resistance and might cause anxiety and unpleasantness however well meaning the intention might be ! As a doctor I tend to notice a lot but try to give an opinion only when asked or when I find something alarming.
Thank you for reading my post and for sharing your thoughts. You’re absolutely right that negative comments can often be met with resistance and can cause anxiety and unpleasantness, even if the intention behind them is well-meaning. As a doctor, it’s great to hear that you prioritize giving your opinion only when asked or when you find something alarming. This approach can help build trust and strengthen communication between you and your patients, while also reducing the risk of causing unnecessary stress or discomfort.
Those are really rude thinsg to say to anybody, leave alone kids. I wonder how some people can say such things. A big NO
True that! Its indeed rude to say such things.
I agree.. It’s time for people to become more empathetic and sensitive towards all these things. Hurting someone will not give you any pleasure so refrain yourself speaking something which can hurt feelings especially of kids.
Thank you for reading my post and for sharing your thoughts. You’re absolutely right that it’s time for people to become more empathetic and sensitive towards others, especially when it comes to children. Hurting someone else’s feelings will not bring us any pleasure, so it’s important to refrain from speaking words that can hurt, especially when it comes to children. Empathy can go a long way in building stronger relationships and creating a more compassionate world.
yes these are some very valid pointers for sure. I totally agree that each child is different and we all should respect that. Mostly kids learn all these bad talking points seeing from parents so we should act and say responsibly.
Yes, you’re right. Children learn by observing and imitating the behavior of adults around them, so it’s important for parents and caregivers to model positive behavior and avoid negative or hurtful comments. It’s also important to remember that every child is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses, so it’s not fair or helpful to compare them to others or make negative comments about their abilities or appearance.
These comments apply for all kids or adults, there should not be any colour comment or body shaming..each one of us are unique in our own way..isn’t that enough?
You are absolutely right. Every person is unique and special in their own way, and it is important to appreciate and celebrate those differences rather than making negative comments about them. Making comments about a person’s skin color, body size or any other physical attribute can be hurtful and damaging to their self-esteem. It’s important to treat everyone with kindness and respect, regardless of their appearance.
Absolutely right. A lot of people think without speaking and never realise how the other person might feel. The worst you can do to anyone, especially a child is comparison. And there should be a complete no no in discussing physical attributes, tall or short, thin or fat, dark or fair etc.
You are absolutely right. It’s important to be sensitive and thoughtful with our words, especially when it comes to children. Comparison and discussing physical attributes can have a negative impact on a child’s self-esteem and confidence. As adults, it’s our responsibility to create a positive and supportive environment for children to thrive in.
As a parent and as a human being, I would never comment on any ones personal traits and appearance as it’s a very rude thing to do and specially when it comes to kids, it’s an absolute no no. God has made evry child special and for the parent that child is the most beautiful child in the world and so its utterly rude to comment on childs appearance or abilities.
I completely agree with you. Every child is unique and special in their own way, and it’s important for us as adults to celebrate and appreciate their differences rather than criticize or judge them based on their appearance or abilities. Children should be allowed to grow and develop at their own pace without being made to feel inadequate or insecure about themselves. As parents and caregivers, it’s important for us to create a safe and nurturing environment for our children where they can feel loved, accepted, and appreciated for who they are.
Skin colour is something I have even trained my kids not to comment on. I know a few of my friends whose lives have depended on getting defensive about their skin colour.
That’s a great approach to teach your kids not to comment on someone’s skin color. It’s important to raise children who are accepting of all people, regardless of their skin color or any other physical characteristic. It’s unfortunate that some people have to face discrimination and prejudice because of their skin color. We should all work together to create a world where everyone is treated with respect and equality.
There are post about what to about child upbringing . But this post is different telling what to avoid while dealing with kids. Indeed informative read
I’m glad to hear that you found the post informative. It’s important to keep in mind that avoiding certain things while dealing with kids can be just as important as actively doing things to support their upbringing.
It is definitely rude and inappropriate to say such things to kids or even adults. We have always avoided such words in front of kids.
That’s a great approach to have. It’s important to be mindful of our words and the impact they can have, especially when speaking in front of children. Children are constantly learning and absorbing information from their surroundings, so it’s important to create a positive and supportive environment for them to grow in. Avoiding negative comments or language can help contribute to this type of environment.
I guess we all should be sensitive enough before commenting and saying anything like this to a child .
You’re absolutely right! It’s important to be mindful and sensitive of the impact our words can have on children, especially when it comes to their self-esteem and body image. It’s important to focus on praising their efforts and positive qualities, rather than commenting on their appearance or physical attributes.
I am sure most of us can relate to this post because some time or the other we have seen or heard people saying this to other kids. They may not look for intentional harm however the conscious accept this as a negative connotations.
Yes, that’s true. Even if people don’t intend to harm, negative comments can have a lasting impact on children’s self-esteem and body image. It’s important to be mindful of what we say to kids and focus on building them up rather than tearing them down. Encouraging positive self-talk and a healthy body image can go a long way in helping children feel confident and comfortable in their own skin.
Oh, you wont believe, just a couple of days ago when kuhu was attending her online class it got merged with other two classes for some activity. There was one teacher who without even thinking twice mentioned this to a five year old kid ” Dear XYZ, you have put on weight in this vacation, look at how chubby and cute you look, are you eating too much”. I swear, I lost me patience and almost literally had an heated argument with her wherein she was adamant that she was just being friendly to the kid. Uff, I am still boiling with anger writing this. I cant believe how people can be this ignorant of their remarks?
I can understand how frustrating and angering it must have been for you to hear those remarks from the teacher. It is very insensitive and inappropriate to make such comments about a child’s appearance, especially in a public setting. Children are very sensitive and can easily be affected by such comments, which can lead to a negative body image and low self-esteem. I hope the teacher realized their mistake and apologized to the child and the parents. It’s important for adults to be aware of the impact of their words and actions on children and to be mindful of what they say.
I could so relate to these points preetjyot. Saanvi has always taken some time to mingle with people. I had people including my family members say that she isnt social enough. Infact some still do. My reply always: that’s okay. She will mingle when she is comfortable and wants to. I never forced her to greet people or mingle with other kids unless and until she wanted to.
That’s a great attitude to have as a parent! It’s important to respect our children’s individual personalities and not try to force them to conform to societal expectations. Each child has their own unique way of interacting with the world and they should be allowed to express themselves in their own way. By giving your daughter the space and time she needs to feel comfortable in social situations, you are showing her that you trust and respect her feelings and instincts. Keep up the great parenting!
Absolutely on point ! No one wants to hear these things about themselves – I wonder what makes people feel it will be okay to say this to a child.
It’s important for people to remember that children are also individuals with feelings and emotions, just like adults. Just because they are young doesn’t mean that it’s okay to say hurtful things to them. It’s important for adults to be mindful of how they speak to children and to choose their words carefully. Additionally, it’s important for children to have a safe and supportive environment where they feel loved and appreciated for who they are, rather than criticized and judged for things outside of their control.
Have heard all of these things for T and I did give it back coz it was hurtful to keep on hearing the same thing every time. Do people forget their childhood as they grow up ? Perhaps they should start acting as grown ups too.
I’m sorry to hear that you have had to deal with hurtful comments. It’s unfortunate when people forget what it’s like to be a child and can’t empathize with those going through similar experiences. It’s important to remember that everyone’s childhood is different and that what works for one child may not work for another. It’s also important to stand up for yourself and let people know when their comments are hurtful or unwelcome. Keep in mind that you are not alone and that many people have experienced similar situations.
These sentences seems very simple but they are not at all ideal sentences to say to kids. Unfortunately, people say them. But they must understand that it gets imprinted on the child’s brain.
Yes, it’s important to choose our words carefully when talking to children. The things we say to them can have a lasting impact on their emotional and mental development. We should strive to communicate with them in a way that is positive, encouraging, and respectful.